A Bit of Self-Examination

I thought I’d examine something I mentioned in yesterday’s blog post after a friend brought to my attention that I had never verbalized it before…depression. She asked if I should speak with my doctor about it. I figured it was worth taking a closer look at.

I looked up the definition of clinical depression, and I have highlighted symptoms that may apply to me.

Emotional Symptoms  Feeling sad, empty, hopeless, or numb  Restlessness, irritability, or anxiety  Difficulty concentrating or making decisions  Less interest or participation in activities normally enjoyed  Feelings of guilt or worthlessness  Repeated thoughts of death or suicide

Physical Symptoms  Low energy and feeling tired all the time  Changes in appetite or weight (eating more / less)  Change in sleep pattern (sleeping more / less)  Increased use of drugs or alcohol  Self destructive behavior, loss of control, or uncontrolled rage  May include headaches, aches, pains, digestive problems, dizziness

Depression can often be triggered by very stressful life situations such as:  A move  Divorce  Social isolation  Relationship conflict  The death of a loved one  Financial difficulties / Job loss  Demanding work / Stressful workplace  Health issues, especially a chronic health problem

Most of the highlighted issues stem from chronic health problems…pain, lack of mobility, etc. It has forced social isolation since I’m unable to get out as I used to. It is the reason for the low energy and feeling tired all the time too. I don’t have less interest in activities I used to enjoy but definitely have been participating less at times. So yes, it does make me a little sad but it does not dominate my life. For now, I think medical intervention is not needed but I will keep monitoring myself moving forward. And I'm sure my friend will too.

Things I Should Have Done

There are a lot of things I 'should' have done this month.

• Spend more time at my craft table. • Moved my de-clutter project ahead more. • Wrote some blog posts. • Spend less time watching mindless videos on YouTube. But I did not. Why not, you ask?

I can give you a whole litany of excuses (real or imagined). I could blame the weather, pain levels, lack of time, no motivation, procrastination, depression, etc. And while all that is true to a degree, I feel like I should have tried harder. But I honestly had no desire to 'push' myself on those difficult days and there have been many of those this month. I will have to make more of an effort next month. I know I've said that before and failed. Here's hoping next month is different.